Droid Love
by jublke
Summary: Han learns something about C-3PO when the droid falls in love. AU based on EU. Rated T for implied droid lust. Droid/droid pairing. One-shot.


This story is an accompanying piece to _Night Blind_ and occurs after Chapter 8 of that story, but you don't have to read _Night Blind_ to understand it. This piece is loosely set in the _Star Wars_ AU when Han and Leia were living on Coruscant with the twins, before the birth of Anakin. The T rating is probably overkill but there is implied droid lust. You have been warned!

_Star Wars_ was conceived by George Lucas and is now owned by Disney. I make no money from this, darn it.

My thanks to my kids for beta-reading - you asked for it, Mom wrote it. I hope Han forgives me.

* * *

"She's just not working out!" Lando Calrissian whined as he sat at the Solo family's kitchen table, watching Han and Leia feed their children dinner. Leia was assisting Jaina, who had managed to smear Dressellian prunes on every square millimeter of her face without getting a single prune inside her. Han had taken charge of Jacen's spoon, but the little boy refused to open his mouth for Daddy's _Millennium Falcon_.

"So, send it back." Han shrugged as he waved the spoon at Jacen. "You've had it, what, two or three weeks? Get another one." He eyed C-3PO as the golden droid entered the kitchen. "Droids are replaceable."

"Han!" Leia admonished, shaking her head.

C-3PO turned toward the former pirate. "I beg your pardon, sir?" He tipped his head sadly toward Han; now both Leia and Lando were giving him frosty looks.

"Look, I just said that if your droid was ..." Han looked at the ring of distraught faces and shook his head. "Oh, never mind. Bring it over here, Lando, and I'll take a look at it. What kind of droid is it?"

"Cleo's a C-L3O. Cleaning and entertaining droid. The female counterpart to the protocol droid."

"How perfectly sexist," Leia muttered, as she gathered up Jaina and carried her from the kitchen to be changed. Lando shrugged.

"What's the matter with it?" Han asked. He had given up on trying to feed Jacen and was now rinsing the spoon and bowl in the sink.

"I don't know. The brochure says she'll keep house and clean with such enthusiasm that you'd swear she had a smile on her face. But Cleo just seems sad." Lando frowned.

"But it does work," Han clarified. "What more do you want?"

Lando shrugged. "I want her to be happy."

Han laughed. "She's a droid. A machine. Droids don't have feelings."

C-3PO interrupted. "If you won't be needing me now, sir, I think I'll turn off."

"You do that, Threepio."

"Han!" Leia yelled from the other room.

Her husband looked sheepish and nodded politely at the droid. "Good night, Threepio. Thanks for all of your hard work today."

If it was possible, the golden droid stood straighter. "You are most welcome, sir!"

As soon as C-3PO had turned himself off, Han rolled his eyes. "Fine. You have a point. Maybe I'll get Threepio to talk to her, too."

* * *

Lando arrived the next morning with a silver droid in tow. Cleo looked exactly like C-3PO, except that her external plating was a different color. "'Morning, Han. This is Cleo."

Han appraised the droid and spoke directly to Lando. "Nothing obviously wrong with it." He could have been mistaken, but he thought he saw the droid's shoulders droop at his comment. _Seriously? These droids are acting as temperamental as the_ Falcon! He held out a hand. "Uh, hi, Cleo. I'm a friend of Lando's. I guess we'll be spending the day together."

The C-L3O did not respond verbally, but she did return Han's handshake. Lando smiled in relief. "I'll be back for her this evening, Han. Take good care of my girl."

Han fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Get out of here, you old gangster."

* * *

Han spent the next few hours in the kitchen of the apartment, tinkering around with the droid. His initial assessment had proven correct: there was nothing obviously wrong with it. He took advantage of the droid's services and had her mop the floor and wash the dishes. But he wouldn't let her near his children. No telling when a malfunctioning droid might suddenly flip out.

It occurred to him then that he trusted C-3PO with his kids. Even when Han was home, the droid did a substantial share of the heavy duty work of child-raising: changing diapers, feeding the twins, giving them their baths. Han shook his head. When had Goldenrod entered his trusted inner circle?

As if on cue, C-3PO poked his head into the kitchen. "Master Han, I finished the ... Well, hello, what do we have here?"

Han had never, ever, heard that tone of voice from C-3PO. He stared at his droid, who was standing stock still and appeared to be gazing upon the silver droid with unbridled lust. Did droids even feel lust? Han had never wondered that before and wished he could erase the accompanying images from his mind.

"This is Cleo, Lando's droid." Han patted the unit on the back. The droid did not acknowledge C-3PO's presence, which Han found curious. It was the first sign he'd seen of an actual problem with it. "Maybe you should try talking to her, Goldenrod. Not like I'm getting anywhere."

"Oh, yes, sir!" If C-3PO could smile, he would have been beaming right then. "It is such a great pleasure to meet you, Cleo," he said, taking the unit by the hand. "I must say ... you are 3.2 times prettier than any of the other droids that I have met."

"Thank you." _Well_, Han thought, _at least I know she can talk_. He sat back and watched the two droids interact. C-3PO was chattering at Cleo non-stop; the silver droid barely acknowledged his presence.

Han marveled at how different their personalities were. _No_, he reminded himself, _it's just programming, different programming based entirely upon their model numbers. Droids are interchangeable, right?_ But as he watched C-3PO attempt to woo Cleo, Han was again struck with the realization that he trusted Threepio with his kids. The golden droid annoyed the flarg out of him and he did occasionally turn the unit off to get some peace, but he actually felt - _something_ - for the droid. _How odd._

There was a loud wail in the other room which Han tentatively identified as Jacen. C-3PO looked up. "Shall I get him, Master Han?" Chewie was visiting his family on Kashyyyk and Leia was at work. Han and Threepio were tending the twins alone for the day.

Han looked at the two droids sitting at his kitchen table and felt a touch - just a pang - of sympathy for C-3PO. He knew what it was like to be interrupted when trying to impress a pretty girl. "Ah, no, that's all right, Threepio. You stay here and keep Cleo company."

"Yes, sir!"

Rolling his eyes, Han left the room. Images of the droid making a move on his counterpart - their metal bodies clanging in passionate heat on the kitchen floor, leaving a telltale trail of oil - entered his brain.

Han shook his head. _I really need to get out more._

* * *

After a diaper change, Jacen was ready to play. Han set the toddler on the floor so he could check on Jaina. She was still asleep in her crib. Han readjusted her blanket and kissed her soft little cheek. When he turned back to where he had left Jacen, the little boy was gone.

_How does he move so fast? _Han marveled. Jaina had walked early, but she was still toddling on uneasy feet. Jacen had gone straight from crawling to running.

Unfamiliar laughter came from the kitchen. Han pelted down the hall, blaster at the ready, but he lowered it the minute he entered the room. Cleo held Jacen in her arms and was cooing at the little boy. "Would you like something to eat? Threepio, can you show me where his food is?"

Han reholstered his blaster and took in the domestic scene in front of him. Once C-3PO had given Cleo a bowl of finger food and a sippy cup, the silver droid expertly hoisted Jacen into his high chair and began to supervise his lunch.

"Threepio." Han gestured at his droid to join him at the door. "What did you find out about her?" Cleo seemed perfectly content now, humming happily as she tended to Jacen, but Han kept one wary eye on her just the same.

"Isn't she lovely?" C-3PO's voice was wistful.

Han gave a half-grin. "Uh, huh. What did she say to you, Goldenrod? Is she unhappy with Lando?"

The golden droid swiveled his head. "Oh, no, Master Han. Cleo likes working for him. But she is terribly lonely. There are no other droids at home and Mr. Calrissian lives alone."

"Hmm." Han watched the rapport between his son and Cleo. "What do you say we invite Cleo over once in awhile? Maybe she could help out with baby-sitting." The words had barely left his mouth when the implications of what he was suggesting struck Han. _More droids? I'm voluntarily adding more droids to my life? What in the nine hells of Corellia is wrong with me?_

"Oh, Master Han!" C-3PO hugged him. "That would be sooo delightful. I've been so terribly lonely since R2D2 left with Master Luke, I can't begin to tell you. I know we often fought but -"

The man cut off the droid with a wave of his hand and pulled out of his embrace. "I hear you, Goldenrod." He sighed and patted the droid on the back. "It's not good to be lonely. Go talk to her."

Han stood in the doorway of the kitchen for a long time, watching the droids tend to his son, listening to their happy chatter and Jacen's responding giggles. When Jaina woke up, he brought the little girl into the kitchen to join her family, droid and human alike.

* * *

Author's note: I wrote this story for my three children. When I was writing _Night __Blind_, I needed a name for Lando's droid. My middle child suggested Clyde, which I liked, but then the youngest piped up and said, no, the droid should be a girl. My oldest came up with the spelling of her name. Somehow, all three children then insisted that C-3PO should fall in love with Cleo; this story is the result. My middle boy suggested the title. It made me laugh so I kept it.


End file.
